Census Apprehension

Tomorrow is my first day of training for my new part-time temporary gig as an enumerator for the 2010 census.  It will also be the first full day that I will be spending away from my girls since they came home. 

I am feeling a little anxiety about leaving for a full day.  I have to say I am a bit surprised by this feeling.  It is not as though I don't have experience with an 8-5:00 work day.  Until last September, when I was placed on bed rest, I was a practicing attorney.  So Eli has been in some sort of daycare since he was 12 weeks old.  I am familiar with the feelings of leaving a baby in the care of others. And, it is my mom and Jesse's mom who will be doing the care-giving this week, so it is not like I have a stranger who will be caring for them.

Moreover, this is not the first time that I will be leaving them.  When they were in NICU, I was typically only able to spend part of the morning and afternoon with them.  I was home with Eli every evening and overnight.  Also, Jesse and I have been out a few times since they were born and I have left them with other caregivers a few times to run errands.

But still, I am sad that I will be away every day this week and that I will miss this time with the girls and with Eli.  I am afraid of what I will miss.  Esme started to giggle this week and Iris seems like she is right on the verge.  I don't want to miss the first time she belts out laughter.  Eli has been so funny during the day time lately.  He really seems to like spending the days with me.  I have really come to enjoy my time home with all three of my kids.  I am looking forward to being out of the house for a bit, as I do go a bit stir crazy being home most days.  And, I think I will definitely enjoy some adult conversation that isn't interrupted by crying babies, diaper changes, and redirecting a rambunctious three year old.  But still, I think by lunchtime I might be watching the clock waiting for 4:30 to roll around so that I can get home.

Bunny Love

We received as a gift these two cute little bunny loveys for the girls.  They are really soft and very adorable.  Additionally, they have wrist loops on the backs of them so we can loop them around the girls arms so that they can hold on to them.  Both girls really seem to enjoy the bunnies.  How cute it is to see them snuggle with them!  Thanks Melinda and Ted!  The bunnies are a big hit!

Iris and Her Bunny Lovey

Esme and Her Bunny Lovey

Our "New" Sandbox

So, for the record, I hate sandboxes. We have had one for all of 1 hour and the first time Eli came inside he tracked sand all through the house. While I find a sandbox less than endearing, Eli LOVES them! So, I being the good mommy I am, made a request on freecycle for a sandbox and we found one. Yesterday, the three kids and I all drove out to Steep Falls in the minivan to pick it up. It’s huge, bubbly plastic, and shaped like a tugboat. Of course it didn't fit in the minivan. So myself, and the woman who gave it to us strapped it to the roof of the minivan. What a sight that must have been -- a gold Dodge Grand Caravan traveling down Route 25 with a giant blue and yellow plastic tugboat sitting on top of it! This morning we packed back into the minivan and made our way to Lowes where I bought 500 pounds of sand. Eli couldn't even wait for me to put the sand in. He got his sand toys and sat in the box as I unloaded the bags. There he played for the next hour. It was about 50 degrees, windy and cold, but he was oblivious, having a super good time. And, he has been an absolute pleasure this afternoon. In fact he has told me I am "wonderful" at least three times since he got up from his nap. And, the macaroni and cheese lunch I made for him, not typically his favorite, was "delicious." I guess a sandbox isn't all bad after all.

I Wonder What the People Behind Me Were Thinking

Eli, Happy at Play

But Mom, I'm Not Tired...

My goal for the afternoon is to get all three kiddos fed and down for nap by 1:00.  However, Eli only naps every three days.  The rest of the days he plays in his room, not napping.  And it is always surprising if I get both girls down at the same time.  But sometimes I am successful.  And on those days I am truly thankful.  Today I thought was one of those days.  But no sooner had I bragged to a friend that I had all three kids in bed and actually sleeping than did Esme start crying.  I tried ignoring her, hoping she would fall back asleep.  But she is still little and not quite old enough for me to leave her for long.  She did NOT fall back asleep.  Instead she is wide awake hanging here with me.  Hey, what can I say?  Maybe she just wanted some alone time with mom.

Pretty Esme

First Fast Food

I was out shopping this morning with the girls and I forgot to bring bottles with me. It just isn't in the forefront of my brain. Eli nursed until he was almost a year so food was always on tap. Although the girls had just eaten not even an hour before, Iris woke up in the middle of Babies R Us and started screaming. Screaming as though she had never been fed ever before in her entire life. A little dramatic, I know, but I had to do something. Thankfully, I was in a baby store, so I knew I would find something to help me. What did I find?  Her first "fast-food" meal -- a single serve 8 oz bottle with nipple of readymade formula. Hallelujah! For $2.50 I was able to make the crying stop. I bought an extra just in case Esme decided to follow in her sister's footsteps!

Trip to Popham Beach State Park

After such a long week, both for me at home and for Jesse at work, we needed a fun little trip.  We packed the kids in the van and drove up the midcoast to Popham Beach State Park.  It was not as warm out as I had hoped it would be but we had a great time.  It was nice just to get out of the house.  Here are some pics.

Eli has become so adventurous.  He seems to make a friend whereever we go.  On this trip he convinced a guy on the beach to let him fly his kite and he made friends with a woman who let him pet her dog. 

A Good Cry, A Good Laugh

This past week was crazy hard. I think it has been the hardest week I have had yet with the three kids. It was such a wonderful Easter weekend and it was supposed to be an easy week; Eli was at Jesse's parents until Tuesday afternoon and then Jan, Jesse's mom stayed overnight on Tuesday. She is always so much help and this time was no exception. But what is it "they" say about the best laid plans...

The week didn't start off so well with the passing of our beloved Katie Pumpkin Pie. Then Iris became sick. She had a fever that she just could not kick. After two trips to the doctors, Wednesday night, I had to bring her to the emergency room. She had an unexplained high fever, almost 103 degrees. She was checked over by the ER doc and then was subjected to numerous tests. She was stuck with a needle to draw blood three times before it was successful. She had to have a small catheter placed into her bladder to get a clean urine sample, which took two tries and about 40 minutes. She had two chest x-rays. Five hours later the diagnosis - pneumonia. At midnight that night, the nurse shot her in the leg with an antibiotic (her 4th needle poke of the night) that she had never had before. The doc came in and told us she had pneumonia and wrote us a script for the antibiotic, and then sent us home. HOME. I was not at all comfortable with this. Iris was intubated at birth. Not for long, but long enough to make me nervous, as she had already experienced some lung trauma. Pneumonia seems very serious for a preemie baby with her history. Plus she was just shot with an antibiotic. I couldn't stop thinking about what I would do if she had a reaction to the medicine. But home went. Miss Iris spent the rest of the night snoozing right next to me in her car seat so I would hear if she started to have an issue. I did not get much sleep that night.

The rest of the week was very much the same. There were trips to the doctor’s office and medicine to dose. Both girls were fussy and Eli was a handful! Eli is starting to outgrow his nap time. Most days he no longer sleeps. He will play in his room for some quiet time, but he has started getting into mischief during this time. This week was no exception. By Friday morning I was spent. I was hoping for an easy day and it didn't look like it was going to be too bad when Jesse left. But about five minutes after he walked out the door both girls started crying and didn't stop for hours. Eli was asking over and over again for us to do something but I couldn't get the girls settled down. It was cold and rainy for most of the week. Everyone was just sick of being cooped up inside, tired, and not feeling well. And every time I turned around, Eli had taken all of his clothes and his diaper off and was running around the house naked. By 11:00 that morning, I found myself sitting on my dining room floor balling, calling Jesse telling him he had to come home, that it was too much, that I needed backup.

After the call, I picked myself up off the floor, gathered my strength, and tried once again to settle the girls. Finally they would eat. Finally, I was able to get them to stop crying. I felt my strength start to return. I called Jesse back and told him I thought we were going to be ok. I got the girls down for a nap. I sat down on the sofa and Eli came and cuddled up next to me. Then he made me laugh. I don't remember what it was that he said or did, but I remember we were both sitting on the sofa cuddling and laughing and laughing. It was just what I needed to get through the day.

Who Could Stay Mad at this Face?

Rest In Peace Pumpkin Pie

Sometimes it sucks being a grown up. While grown ups can chose to have dessert before dinner or to stay up really late, sometimes it just sucks dealing with the responsibility of adulthood. Paying bills, going to work, making the hard choices. Today, I had to make one of those hard choices. Today, I had to decide to have one of our cats, Katie Pumpkin Pie, euthanized.

Katie was one of those once in a lifetime perfect pets. She was patient, well mannered, social, cuddly, playful, great with children. She was everything you typically think a cat is not. She was always with us. I would be sitting on the sofa and look beside me and there she was. I wouldn't even know that she had come and snuggled up with me. Katie would cuddle with Eli; let him play with her tail, give her hugs, pet her. When she had had enough, she would not bat at him or threaten to scratch, rather, she would just get up and go somewhere else, never lodging a complaint.

Katie and Esme

Katie had a funny personality. She seemed to have a rather brief short term memory. She often seemed surprised to find herself in any room she walked into, like it was the first time she had ever seen it. She came when you called her name. I have never before met a cat who did this and don't expect I ever will again. If she caught a toy mouse or rubber ball she would meow and meow and meow this loud cry to let you know her accomplishment, waiting for one of us to compliment her hunting skills. She was a lady, often sitting with her front legs crossed. She was always on the wrong side of the door or the gate crying for one of us to come and set her free as she was always wanting to be where the family was.

I loved this cat.  I have so many fond memories of Katie. I will keep her in my heart always and already miss her dearly. Rest in peace my Katie cat, Ms. Pumpkin Pie.

Katie and Eli (approx 3 mos)

Katie and Eli

Easter Weekend

What a beautiful weekend we had here in Southern Maine. Temperatures were in the 70's both Saturday and Sunday. We had a wonderful Easter day. Jesse's parents came to our home to spend the day with us and then took Eli home with them for a couple of "special Eli days" with Grammy Lil and Papa.

Iris taking a little snooze...

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Iris

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The Easter Bunny visited our house Saturday Night, leaving Eli an Easter Basket and hiding the Easter Eggs we had decorated earlier in the week. He was so exited to find his new stuffed lamb waiting for him Sunday morning and had such a fun time finding the eggs hidden around the house.

Eli checking out his Easter goodies

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Eli finding the Easter Eggs

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Papa and Jesse with Eli and Esme

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Grammy Lil with Iris

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My beautiful family

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Pretty girls all dressed up and chillin' on the back porch

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An Easter Brunch of Quiche, Fruit Salad and Hot Cross Buns
Served Outside

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Eli eating a freshly frosted sugar cookie

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Eli sitting in the back of Grammy and Papa's car waiting to get on the road for his adventure.

I Found Them...

...the illusive smiles of Iris and Esme.

Iris

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Esme

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Even Eli got in on the action. Note the blurriness of the photo. Eli was jumping up and down. I think I mentioned earlier, that Eli rarely sits still long enough for a picture.

There is nothing better than a smiling baby or a smiling child. Their whole face lights up. Their eyes sparkle. If you are ever feeling even a little down, a smiling baby will perk you right up!

My Last Bottle of Breastmilk

This is the last bottle of breastmilk I will likely ever produce. I recently decided to stop expressing milk for Esme and Iris. This was a terribly hard decision to make, but in the end, I have made peace with it.

I tried so hard to get Esme and Iris nursing after they were born. At first, I thought we were going to get it. But, six weeks prematurity and a nasty case of reflux proved to be too much for us. So, I resigned myself to expressing milk and providing it to them by bottle. For the last few months, several times a day, I have strapped myself to a breast pump and expressed milk. For those of you who have never had such a pleasure, I will spare you the details, but frankly, expressing milk is NOT AT ALL fun. Nor for me is it all that easy. But, after 3 1/2 months, I have decided to stop.

For far too long I have focused on what I can't do or what I have not done. I realize this is crazy. It has taken me a while, but I no longer see this as quitting, rather, I focus on what I have been able to do. For 8 weeks I nursed two premature babies, helping them grow and strengthen. For 3 1/2 months I provided my twins with my breastmilk. And for more than 6 weeks, my babies were fed exclusively on my milk. I am so proud of these accomplishments.

But, there is a part of me that is still very sad. This is it. I will likely never nurse another baby. I will likely never provide another baby with my milk because I will likely never have another baby. I don't think I want any more children. With my pregnancy experiences, I am pretty sure that I never want to be pregnant again. But it is just a small part of me that is sad, because, while I will never have this experience again, I have three beautiful, amazing children and I have a lifetime of new mommy experiences ahead of me.

Some Pics to Share

Welcome Mika Rowe.....

Last Saturday, our friends, Elsa and Vin Rowe welcomed their second baby, Mika. The Monday prior to little Mika's arrival, Elsa and I met for a play date at the Reiche School Playground with her older child, Ramona, and Eli. How impressed I was with Elsa (and a bit jealous) as I watched her walk around the playground playing with Ramona, as I have never seen that stage of pregnancy vertical before!

Elsa, Baby Mika, and Big Sister Ramona

A rare pic of me with all three of my kids. Eli is a bit hard to get to sit still long enough to take a picture these days.

We made Easter cards for Grammy Lil and Papa (Jesse's parents) and Minnie and Papa (my parents)
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